Death, Be Not Proud Read online

  “I’m fine. I’m not sure about you all. And I understand the decision we all made. I was at the family meeting. I’m glad we did whatever it took to keep Grandpop alive. But I certainly wouldn’t have voted ‘yes’ if I knew he’d end up a zombie.”

  Kristi kissed his ear. “You are such a beautiful man. I know it’s tough to see your grandfather this way. We all knew there would be changes. But he’s here today, with us at this wonderful family meal and the experts said that wasn’t going to happen. Just concentrate on the good times and be glad we have the opportunity to maybe add to them.”

  Tommy looked around the table, desperate to move on. His wife, his grandmother, his aunts and uncle, his own sister, they were all chatting away and gossiping, oblivious to the horror of the family patriarch devouring a human leg. No, not oblivious. They chose to accept it as normal. How could anyone be okay with that?

  “So…where’s Ginny? I thought she was making the trip up,” he asked, slowly setting a forkful of ham back on his plate untouched.

  The cheerful dinner noise died down.

  “What? Did I say something wrong?”

  “No, not at all, Tommy.” Kristi spoke up first. “Ginny’s um, Ginny’s here.”

  Uncle Chuck coughed.

  Grandma Maggie’s smile was stiffer than canvas stretched on a painter’s frame. “Your cousin came in very early this morning. It was a long trip and the poor thing was exhausted. I think a little under the weather as well. So she’s…upstairs sleeping. I’m sure she’ll join us for dinner eventually.”

  The tension was not lost on Tommy. He felt his pulse race and teeth clench as his nerves unraveled. “What the hell is going on here? Is everyone at this table blind and dumb or just ignorant? I know I’m not, and I know Ginny is not here. I don’t know where she is or why it’s this big family secret I’m not in on but I’m not going to keep pretending we’re all at Disneyland!”

  “Your cousin Ginny is most certainly here,” Grandma Maggie said sternly.

  “Then where the fuck is she?”

  “Young man! I don’t care how old you are or that you now have a family of your own but you will not speak that way at my dinner table!”

  Kristi spoke through an embarrassed smile “He is so sorry, Grandma Maggie. Say you’re sorry, Tommy.”

  “What is he bitching about now? Tommy! Speak up!” Grandpop barked, a hunk of sinew still stuck on his back teeth.

  “Nothing, Poppy. Please forgive him. Tommy has been working very hard lately. He’s just gotten a huge promotion at work and is in charge of a very important project. And on weekends he’s helping run a new homeless shelter downtown,” Kristi said proudly. The family answered with excusable oooh’s and aaahhhh’s. “I keep telling him there are only so many hours in the day and he’s running himself down. He hardly ever sleeps anymore but you know Tommy. If he can make a difference…”

  “You’re a good Christian boy, Tommy. But please watch your language. There’s never a reason to be so vulgar. We raised you to be a proper young man.”

  “Thanks, Grandma Maggie. I apologize to you and the family, and the kids, for using foul language.” He nervously tugged on his shirtsleeve. He hated being the focus of any attention, good or bad. “I guess I am tired. I was just wondering where Ginny was. That’s all.”

  He was already looking past the supportive faces to his Grandpop. The old man pushed the veggies and stuffing out of the way to find more meat. He fingered what looked like a clump of toes covered in deep red gravy and raised it to his mouth. He paused long enough to flash a grin at his grandson. When he knew Tommy’s eyes were hopelessly glued on him, he didn’t bite down but rather wrapped his chapped lips around the gooey digits and slurped the juicy goodness.

  Tommy saw a gold toe ring and the bright red painted toenails of a young female foot. An acidic gush hit the top of his throat and he pushed away from the table, knocking his chair backwards.

  Kristi grabbed at his shirt. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? You’re not leaving are you? You’ve barely touched your food.”

  He stared at her in blank amazement. The old man laughed but Tommy wouldn’t look his way again. Grandma Maggie joined Kristi and rose from the table. Tommy waved them off.

  “I’m okay. Like Kristi said, it’s been a long day. This morning at the shelter and then the drive out here.” He mopped the thick sweat off his brow. “Umm…which room did you say Ginny was in? I think I’ll head upstairs too if it’s okay. Just lay down for a little while.”

  “Oh no, darling. Why don’t you just stay down here? Lay down in the couch in the other room. I don’t want you accidentally waking Ginny up, that’s all.” Grandma Maggie said with apple pie warmth.

  Tommy wasn’t buying it for one second, but he nodded anyway as he excused himself. His Grandpop sang out ‘Head, shoulders, knees and toes- knees and toes…’ as he left the family feast.

  The children were the first to be cut loose and they flooded into the living room to claim the TV set. Tommy was only half-asleep so it wasn’t a great inconvenience. In fact, he welcomed it. The laughing and jumping around that surrounded him saved him from the images that kept shocking his vaporous dream world. Every time sleep almost claimed him, he was back at the homeless shelter. Some of the faces were familiar as was the usual routine, but more than a few new faces came through looking for brief sanctuary before they braved another day out in a cold cruel world.

  Tommy was behind the counter, helping serve food as the homeless moved down the line with their plates. For the most part, they were cheerful, greeting him with a grateful smile. He gave extra helpings to a woman and her three little children. Obviously, they were new to shelter. He could tell because of the woman’s eyes. She had two things the others did not. Embarrassment that she was forced to turn to the help of the shelter to feed her children. And the not-yet-dimmed determination that this low point would not last long. She would find a way to make their lives okay again.

  Tommy nodded to her, letting her know that yes, things would be better soon. Don’t give up.

  He plopped a foot onto the next plate.

  In his nightmare, he did not want to look up. But he couldn’t keep staring at the severed foot mixed in with the vegetables and bread. The gravy seemed to pulsate and coagulate. Then it turned red, changing like one of God’s ancient plagues. He immediately averted his eyes as he choked down the vomit that splashed onto the back of his tongue. And he came face to face with his grandpop.

  “And how about them kids for dessert?”

  Tommy sat straight up, startling the children. A few of the older ones broke into more laughter, thinking it was simply playful Uncle Tommy. The younger kids followed their lead, filling the room with squeals of delight. Sally jumped on her dad.

  “You are so silly, Daddy!”

  He forced a smile and rubbed his sore eyes. “That’s me, baby. I’m a silly silly man. Give me a hug.”

  He held her tight, maybe tighter than usual, and inhaled deeply. Sally’s hair smelled so clean, like flowers. His little girl–it was his job forever to protect her. So what the hell were they doing in this house where danger sat right across the table from them? Was everyone completely nuts here? Sure, Grandpop was in a ‘controlled’ environment like the doctor said, but how long before someone messed up? Like what happened with Ginny…

  You don’t know that for a fact, he said to himself, playing the ill-named devil’s advocate. She’s upstairs sleeping. That makes more sense than the family fed her to the flesh- eating zombie at Thanksgiving dinner.

  Still, that carnivorous old man was an abomination. It was against common sense, against logic, science, against God to have him alive. Or undead. Or whatever classification he fell into now. He was an elderly person, dying of natural causes. That’s what happened when someone turned eighty-six. He had his time on earth. They should have just let him go. Now he was this…this threat.

  Tommy held Sally up and soaked in her beautiful bright glow. He sp
oke softly. “Hey Sunshine, did you get to see Grandpop at all during dinner?”

  Sally made a face. “I tried not to look at him. He’s very gross when he eats.”

  “Yeah, I know. I don’t like watching him either. Hey, will you do me a favor?”

  “Sure, Daddy.”

  “I know everyone here loves Grandpop very much and we do too, right? But I think it would be smart if you didn’t get too close to him, okay? Even if everyone says its okay, even if it’s Mommy or Grandma Maggie, let’s kind of stay away from him.”

  “Is he going to hurt me?”

  “Well, he’s very old and sometimes his brain doesn’t work that good anymore. Sometimes he makes mistakes and they could hurt you. So it’s better just to keep away. Deal?”

  She threw her arms around him and gave a quick kiss on his cheek. “Deal, Daddy! Can I play with my cousins now?”

  “You bet. Have fun.” He let her off the couch, his plastic smile remaining a few extra moments. His mind was already on the back hallway. At the end was a small bedroom that served for when guests would spend the weekend. Now it was ‘modified’ as Grandma Maggie liked to say. And it was where Grandpop stayed.

  Tommy calmly walked over to the shelves that filled the majority of one wall in the living room. He palmed the triangular marble bookend.

  He stepped over and past the jovial children and stood outside the dining room as the ladies finished clearing off the table. They were trying to talk Uncle Chuck into going into the living room to watch the football game, but he kept bitching about how the Cowboys don’t win the big games anymore. “If the goddamn Steelers can buy themselves a couple fixed Superbowls from the league office, why can’t the Cowboys? No one has more money than Jerry Jones…”

  Tommy looked over to the kids one last time. They were all preoccupied and safe. The back hallway was clear. Quietly, he slid down to his grandfather’s room, his body pressed tight against the wall. The lights were off and very little sunlight broke through the yellowish window at the end of the hall.

  Grandma Maggie had moved Grandpop to the ground floor after he came back. She claimed it was because he was too weak to continually go up and down the stairs and she worried about him falling and breaking a hip. But while the family nodded their support of Grandma Maggie’s compassion, everyone had no doubt of the real reason. The old man had to be secured so to speak. Isolated. Because he was a danger to any living person in the house, let alone the person he used to sleep next to in bed.

  Tommy gave a final look back towards the dining room and kitchen. After such a display at dinner, he didn’t want to have to explain his presence in this secluded part of the house. If his intent worked the way he hoped, he could do what he had to do and slip back into the living room in time to catch the halftime kickoff. It was possible that Grandma Maggie wouldn’t discover anything until she checked on Grandpop long after the family all left.

  The door would be locked from the outside, which was what Tommy always understood, with the key hanging on a small hook screwed into the frame. But when he reached the bedroom, the key was not where it should be. And the door was ajar.

  The air left his lungs; he struggled for a second to get his breathing back on track. His eyes watered and he wiped them with his sleeve. His hand fell upon the doorknob and he gave it a slight push. He felt a lump in his throat that he couldn’t swallow down.

  “Grandpop?”

  There was no answer. He opened the door wider and peeked inside. Darkness. Shades pulled down flat against the only window. Shadows thick and heavy in the corner where the bed would be. His hand twisted backwards as his fingers stretched to find a light switch.

  “Leave it off. Light hurts my eyes after awhile.”

  “Grandpop? Um, hey, it’s Tommy. You in bed? You sleeping?”

  “On the bed. Just sitting here. I don’t sleep much anymore. You coming in or what?”

  “Uh, yeah, sure,” he said as he cautiously stepped inside.

  “Shut the door behind you.”

  Tommy froze, hoping his eyes would quickly adjust to the darkness. But all he could make out were sparse outlines of furniture and a silhouette rigidly sitting up in the corner, facing him. He moved his free hand back to the doorknob. “If its okay with you, I’ll leave it open a crack. It’s kind of stuffy in here.”

  “Polite way to say I stink. Which I guess I do nowadays. Fine by me. Leave the door open. Just a little bit.” The bed creaked as the silhouette leaned forward. “You and me, grandson, we got a problem, don’t we?”

  A cold chill went up Tommy’s spine but it didn’t go away like the classic feeling when someone was spooked. This chill wrapped around his ribcage and stabbed at his heart from the sides. He wanted to run.

  The old man rose.

  “You don’t approve of me being on this earth anymore, do ya? Think I served my time and should have just gone under that loose mound of dirt in my metal box. Well, this wasn’t my choice. You think anyone would pick this existence for themselves? But that’s what happens when you get old. The only person who doesn’t get a vote is the one who is dying.”

  “I’m sorry about that, Grandpop…”

  “Don’t bother. Too late now. I’m here to stay and you all are stuck with me.” The old man took a step closer. It brought him into a sliver of light from the hallway that showed the tight grey skin on his skeletal face. “As long as you keep feeding me like the doctor says, I can maintain.”

  ‘Maintain.’ Tommy nodded although he wasn’t sure why. Sweat covered his palm and the bookend felt a hundred times heavier. “Well, I think it’s safe to say the entire family is happy you’re still around. You’re our patriarch and a very important part of our lives. Our history.”

  “You can get history from a book, boy. And I’m not buying the ‘entire’ family is happy I’m still up and walking. You in particular.”

  “And possibly Ginny, huh? I bet she’s not real happy right now, is she?” He shuffled his feet, nervously ready for anything.

  Instead the old man laughed. It started as a deep belly laugh but grinded into a grotesque hacking as if something solid was stuck at his Adam’s apple. He turned his head and spit on the floor.

  “Your cousin Ginny is a sweet girl. Very very sweet.” One opaque eye locked onto Tommy’s and a desert dry tongue flicked inside Grandpop’s mouth. “Whatcha got in your hand there, grandson?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Come to put me out of my misery, have ya?”

  Tommy panicked, raising his arm to strike but the old man’s speed surprised him. So did the iron grip on his wrist. The bookend fell to the floor with a loud clunk. Tommy saw the old man bear his teeth and open wide. Instinctively, he threw himself backwards, accidentally pushing the door shut. His only escape was gone. Lost in the darkness, he yanked his arm free. He hit the floor and reached everywhere for the weapon. His fingers found a cold bony ankle. His first reaction was to recoil but he quickly grabbed it again and pulled hard. The old man toppled backwards. For a second, Tommy celebrated an end to the zombie’s mad reign, but instead he heard bed springs absorb the fall.

  Scrambling like a trapped animal, he spun himself around and slapped at the door until he found the knob. It wiggled loose in his grip and he was sure it would come off in his hand. Still with no other choice, he turned it and pulled with all his might. The door flew open, flooding the hell pit with precious light.

  He spilled into the hallway, crab-walking away from his undead attacker. He stared into the blackness that still consumed the small room. Nothing moved. All was quiet.

  Grandpop’s face jutted out like a jack-in-the-box. Spittle sprayed the air.

  “You all smell so delicious!”

  Tommy found his feet and he ricocheted down the hallway in a desperate escape. He landed just inside the kitchen door, his heart slamming against his ribcage.

  “What on earth are you doing, Tommy?”

  He looked up to see Kristi and Grandma Maggie sm
irking in amusement rather than alarm.

  “We have to go now. Grandpop is loose. He’s not controllable!”

  The ladies laughed as they continued to put away the food.

  “Is this some game you’re playing with the kids? Seriously, I know you’re having fun but just make sure you don’t spook them too much. We don’t want them thinking their great-grandfather is a monster.”

  He shook his head as if it would change their reaction. His brain was pounding against his temples. “What aren’t you hearing? Grandpop is not locked in his room. We are in danger!”

  Grandma Maggie gave him one of her understanding yet enough-is-enough expressions. “No one is in danger, Tommy. The worst that old coot is going to do to anyone is snore too loud during the football game.”

  “Tell that to Ginny!”

  Kristi and Grandma Maggie exchanged glances and any frivolity left the kitchen. Kristi’s usually cheerful face turned stoic. She wiped her hands on her apron. Tommy stared at the red streaks.

  “Sweetheart, I think you need to sit down and catch your breath. You look horrible. And you didn’t eat a thing at dinner. Why don’t you go into the dining room and let me fix you a plate?”

  Grandma Maggie pulled a piece of food from a container and chewed on a small feminine hand to show everything was okay. Kristi bit into a chunk of arm.

  Tommy’s scream was cut short as he vomited on the tile floor. The room spun once, twice–and he hit the wall hard but remained upright. Kristi was immediately at his side but he pushed her away. Save Sally overrode all other thoughts or commands. He rambled into the living room, arms flailing as if to propel him away from his attackers.

  The children scattered in an explosion of high-pitched cries. Tommy’s knees locked up and he landed face first on the thin brown carpet. Black blood spewed from his open mouth.

  “OhGodohGodohGod…Sally–run!”

  He could see blurry images surround him and the throng of voices bombarded him.

  “Tommy! Oh dear Lord! Help him. He’s bleeding!”